Joy . . .

These are my gooses,

my sweetpeas,

my love punkins,

my life.

I am so in love with being a mom to these four kids of mine.

It's pure and absolute joy.

Even with the diaper changing and the sleepless nights.

and the never-ending laundry pile.

a simple request...

I love my Nicole.

Last night as she was saying her personal prayers she said, "And please bless Andrew to sleep through the night so Mom and Dad can get the sleep they need."

I about cried.

How thoughtful and observant.

(or maybe its just that I've been extra ornery this past 2 months because of lack of sleep?)

in either case,
Seriously love that almost ten year old of mine.

Debra Lea... the anti-blogger . . .

I guess its official.

I am now claiming to be an anti-blogger, not because I hate blogs. Nope. Not at all. I'm still reading all those great blogs out there.... but I've been refusing to post a comment.

And then there's the little thing about me not writing a new post for what, 4 months?! What is up with that? ;)

-sigh-

Why, may you ask, am I not posting or commenting like the best of 'em?

It may or may not have something to do with this little person inside of me. Oh and puking my brains out and snacking on IV fluid for the last 5 months. YUM.

It may or may not have something to do with how mean I've been for months because of previously mentioned condition, hey low blood sugar does that to me.

And if I'm ornery then you know what that means. My comments are all grumpy sounding and let's not even talk about all of the posts I've started and just gave up because my words just reeked of disagreeable rumbles.

Oh and it may have a lot to do with how guilty I am for not sending out thank you cards for all of the wonderful people surrounding me that have made me smile while I'm mourning and moaning and groaning and being a hermit.

See I told you I'm no fun when I'm feeling ill.

An anti-blogger. Yep. Sounds about right.

A farewell . . . .

It's been a month since my brother's funeral.

I've reflected on the past.

I think about the days ahead.

And I sometimes cry,

a lot.

Man I miss him!

What an amazing man my brother Mark was. Always serving others, making lives wonderful and spoiling my kids with bubble gum and other sweet delights.

Mark had such a zest for life-whether it was taking my kids to the zoo or picking up another niece or nephew for a football game; he loved creating memories and making people feel special. He was always thinking of ways to get others to laugh and enjoy life as well. . . like the great water fight of '09. I don't think any of my family will forget when Mark brought out a whole load of water guns and balloons and handed them out to all of our kids (during a service project at my house, mind you). Oh the look on the kids' faces when they got the grown ups soaking wet... priceless.

That was one of my last memories with Mark.

As I look back, I am so angry with myself that I didn't see his pain. His sadness. How could I just let Mark suffer like he did? I didn't even know, I didn't choose to know the extent of what he was going through. I looked at how happy he made everybody and assumed that things were okay. Stupid assumption.

During the five days that we searched for him and especially the days and weeks since, I've tried to figure out how I could be so selfish, when I had such an amazing example of selfLESSness right in front of me.

Mark Spencer Richards 1983~2009 Born Jan 19, 1983, passed into Heavenly Father's arms on July 24, 2009. Mark Richards was a Son, Brother, Uncle, Friend, Husband, and Daddy. He was well dressed, a champion wrestler, always tried to better himself and others, generous with his time and money, and took care of everyone around him. He will be sorely missed by all who knew him. Married Brianna Nicole Roper August 10, 2002 in Taylorsville, Utah. Survived by Brianna Richards, daughter of Mel and Lori Roper, his wife and love of his life and his son Carter. Parents, Mike and Myrna Richards, brothers and sisters, Eldon (Cami); David; Laura (Aaron); Debra (Greg); Danny (Allie); Boyd (Rachel). Preceded in death by his sister Rachelle.

Mark, I love you so much. You have been such a great example in my life and I'm so proud to call you my brother. I'm so grateful for all the many memories that I have with you and I will hold onto them forever and ever.

I'll never forget the time that an RC Willey's delivery man showed up at my door, after my back surgery, with a new King size bed... although it was supposed to be from an anonymous donor, I got the delivery man to tell me who it was from. Thank you.

And remember that time when everyone was getting together for a Memorial Day celebration and my financial situation was such that I couldn't even afford the gas from Spanish Fork to Salt Lake? Thank you again for watching out for me and sending me some money to make the trip. Again, you tried to be anonymous, but seriously...I know your handwriting better than you think. ;)

Then there was when Greg and I were newlyweds and you came to stay with us a couple of times. It made me smile that you were so excited to see junk food in my pantry. Growing up we rarely had any and if we did it would disappear in a flash. But what do you expect from a big family like ours?

I even look at our childhood with fondness. All of the teasing and torment that we dished out to each other . . . I'm sorry and I hope you know that I love you for those years. I love to think back and laugh at how easily you could get my goat.

Oh Mark, I'm going to miss you so much. Thank you for being such a wonderful part of my life.

I look forward to seeing you again.

I love you.

your sis,

Debra Lea

What's in a name? . . .

It's Lea. My middle name is Lea.

It rhymes with catastrophe

and anchovy.

and banchee.

and whigmaleerie.

I just thought you ought to know. ... . just in case I decide to become really good at something and get all famous and stuff.

you're welcome.

Greg and Debra plus 8 . . .

I've always wanted a big family, I guess its because I came from one? Well I had a chance to practice being a mom of a gigantic family with some nieces and nephews....




Picture it...

my THREE

+ 5 cousins.

A warm Vegas sun.

and a swim pool.

and, oh yeah - 4 t-ball games, volleyball practice, basketball practice, gymnastics, Speech, pre-school, YW/YM, activity days, a youth dance, family pictures, a school carnival etc. etc. for 12 days. And a car that would seat 5, for the latter half of the trip anyway.

Talk about a blast.

Is that the right word for it?

I think so.

I should have been a judge...

I'm a little judgmental.

okay.

maybe I'm A LOT judgemental.

But I don't do it on purpose....most of the time.

Usually I'm just sailing along, doing my own thing and then out of no where ...WHAMo --a thought pops into my head and I'm left thinking, "Gosh Debra Lea, that was a pretty crazy thing to think about that situation/ person/ animal etc. etc. etc."

And then there's the times that I'm purposefully judgmental.
Yep, I actually do that sometimes.
Embarrassing, I know.
Take the other day, for example. I was running around crazily with my mile long to-do list and time was of the essence. After running through Costco like a mad woman, I was hopping into my ultra cool mini van where I noticed that the man parked next to me was lighting up a cigarette....with his two young kids in the back seat. This just happens to be one of my BIGGEST peeves ever. All kind of less than complimentary thoughts were running through my mind about this man and I was judging him with the harshest of my judgments with only knowing this one thing about him. He must be an all around terrible man, right? I continued thinking this until we both were backing up at the same time, me in my rushed sour scowl and him in his careful, watchful, courteous smile. There was an awkward brief moment when both of us were edging our way out and motioning the other to go and in the end he, of course, let me back up out of my stall first. I was so grateful yet so embarrassed for my thoughts.

This experience really got me thinking.

What if all of us wore our struggles out there, for the whole world to see, to judge. And people only saw our mistakes and judged us before they saw the good in us?

Is it the good or the bad, the hardships or the triumphs that really define us? Its all of the above of course. Then why oh why do I do the whole judging thing without having the whole story?!

Just some food for thought.