I am now claiming to be an anti-blogger, not because I hate blogs. Nope. Not at all. I'm still reading all those great blogs out there.... but I've been refusing to post a comment.
And then there's the little thing about me not writing a new post for what, 4 months?! What is up with that? ;)
Why, may you ask, am I not posting or commenting like the best of 'em?
It may or may not have something to do with this little person inside of me. Oh and puking my brains out and snacking on IV fluid for the last 5 months. YUM.
It may or may not have something to do with how meanI've been for months because of previously mentioned condition, hey low blood sugar does that to me.
And if I'm ornery then you know what that means. My comments are all grumpy sounding and let's not even talk about all of the posts I've started and just gave up because my words just reeked of disagreeable rumbles.
Oh and it may have a lot to do with how guiltyI am for not sending out thank you cards for all of the wonderful people surrounding me that have made mesmile while I'm mourning and moaning and groaning and being a hermit.
What an amazing man my brother Mark was. Always serving others, making lives wonderful and spoiling my kids with bubble gum and other sweet delights.
Mark had such a zest for life-whether it was taking my kids to the zoo or picking up another niece or nephew for a football game; he loved creating memories and making people feel special. He was always thinking of ways to get others to laugh and enjoy life as well. . . like the great water fight of '09. I don't think any of my family will forget when Mark brought out a whole load of water guns and balloons and handed them out to all of our kids (during a service project at my house, mind you). Oh the look on the kids' faces when they got the grown ups soaking wet... priceless.
That was one of my last memories with Mark.
As I look back, I am so angry with myself that I didn't see his pain. His sadness. How could I just let Mark suffer like he did? I didn't even know, I didn't choose to know the extent of what he was going through. I looked at how happy he made everybody and assumed that things were okay. Stupid assumption.
During the five days that we searched for him and especially the days and weeks since, I've tried to figure out how I could be so selfish, when I had such an amazing example of selfLESSness right in front of me.
Mark Spencer Richards 1983~2009 Born Jan 19, 1983, passed into Heavenly Father's arms on July 24, 2009. Mark Richards was a Son, Brother, Uncle, Friend, Husband, and Daddy. He was well dressed, a champion wrestler, always tried to better himself and others, generous with his time and money, and took care of everyone around him. He will be sorely missed by all who knew him. Married Brianna Nicole Roper August 10, 2002 in Taylorsville, Utah. Survived by Brianna Richards, daughter of Mel and Lori Roper, his wife and love of his life and his son Carter. Parents, Mike and Myrna Richards, brothers and sisters, Eldon (Cami); David; Laura (Aaron); Debra (Greg); Danny (Allie); Boyd (Rachel). Preceded in death by his sister Rachelle.
Mark, I love you so much. You have been such a great example in my life and I'm so proud to call you my brother. I'm so grateful for all the many memories that I have with you and I will hold onto them forever and ever.
I'll never forget the time that an RC Willey's delivery man showed up at my door, after my back surgery, with a new King size bed... although it was supposed to be from an anonymous donor, I got the delivery man to tell me who it was from. Thank you.
And remember that time when everyone was getting together for a Memorial Day celebration and my financial situation was such that I couldn't even afford the gas from Spanish Fork to Salt Lake? Thank you again for watching out for me and sending me some money to make the trip. Again, you tried to be anonymous, but seriously...I know your handwriting better than you think. ;)
Then there was when Greg and I were newlyweds and you came to stay with us a couple of times. It made me smile that you were so excited to see junk food in my pantry. Growing up we rarely had any and if we did it would disappear in a flash. But what do you expect from a big family like ours?
I even look at our childhood with fondness. All of the teasing and torment that we dished out to each other . . . I'm sorry and I hope you know that I love you for those years. I love to think back and laugh at how easily you could get my goat.
Oh Mark, I'm going to miss you so much. Thank you for being such a wonderful part of my life.
I've always wanted a big family, I guess its because I came from one? Well I had a chance to practice being a mom of a gigantic family with some nieces and nephews....
+ 5 cousins.
A warm Vegas sun.
and aswim pool.
and, oh yeah - 4 t-ball games, volleyball practice, basketball practice, gymnastics, Speech, pre-school, YW/YM, activity days, a youth dance, family pictures, a school carnival etc. etc. for 12 days. And a car that would seat 5, for the latter half of the trip anyway.
Usually I'm just sailing along, doing my own thing and then out of no where ...WHAMo --a thought pops into my head and I'm left thinking, "Gosh Debra Lea, that was a pretty crazy thing to think about that situation/ person/ animal etc. etc. etc."
And then there's the times that I'm purposefully judgmental. Yep, I actually do that sometimes. Embarrassing, I know. Take the other day, for example. I was running around crazily with my mile long to-do list and time was of the essence. After running through Costco like a mad woman, I was hopping into my ultra cool mini van where I noticed that the man parked next to me was lighting up a cigarette....with his two young kids in the back seat. This just happens to be one of my BIGGEST peeves ever. All kind of less than complimentary thoughts were running through my mind about this man and I was judging him with the harshest of my judgments with only knowing this one thing about him. He must be an all around terrible man, right? I continued thinking this until we both were backing up at the same time, me in my rushed sour scowl and him in his careful, watchful, courteous smile. There was an awkward brief moment when both of us were edging our way out and motioning the other to go and in the end he, of course, let me back up out of my stall first. I was so grateful yet so embarrassed for my thoughts.
This experience really got me thinking.
What if all of us wore our struggles out there, for the whole world to see, to judge. And people only saw our mistakes and judged us before they saw the good in us?
Is it the good or the bad, the hardships or the triumphs that really define us? Its all of the above of course. Then why oh why do I do the whole judging thing without having the whole story?!
I have a great life. I'm a mom of three very energetic -yet delightful- girls, one very handsome little boy, a wife of the fabulous Greg, and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
"I need some more human cookies" declares Andew (age 4) Aug. 9 , 2014 (What??) It took me a while to figure out that he was referring to the E. L. Fudge.
"It's not about winning... it's about Jacob eating cookies!" Andrew says while walking down the stairs with his best friend Jacob. (age 4, Aug 9, 2014)
Natalie lost her first tooth tonight. Being my child that is deathly afraid of wind, she said, "Hopefully the tooth fairy will fly here safe, it sure is windy out there". May 23, 2012
"Dad don't go on that big fat loser... I'll miss you too much." Natalie to daddy as she is patting his tummy during the premier of Biggest Loser. January 4. 2010
"Can you set Andrew for 5 o'clock?" Nicole asks, hoping he'll be her alarmclock. January 2, 2011
Conversation from the back seat at approx 11:38pm : "I'm going to wake you up tomorrow real early" says Natalie.
"No! You better not .... or you're going to pay. " Kaydee (the one that loves to sleep) warns.
"But I don't have any money." Natalie's innocent response. Dec. 30, 2011
"Again?! You must be famous." Natalie concludes to me after I received yet another text. November 22, 2010
"I'm a T.V. fan." Natalie says one night during football season. "cuz I like to watch T.V." Nov. 19, 2010.
While watching "UP" today, Natalie (who just finished up preschool) said, "That boy can read real well.... maybe he's in Kindergarten." May 26, 2010
"You're so smart" I say to Kaydee and she responds with, "and I'm even smart without my glasses on." May 1, 2010
After getting sent to her room, Natalie says, "for the rest of my life?!" April 23, 2010
While sorting jelly bellys, Natalie says, "Dad, the black and brown ones want to meet in my tummy. But I don't like them to." March 2, 2010
As Natalie is watching Snow White she asks for an apple, a "not poison apple, please" :) December 22, 2009
"Jesus says that BOTH of us have to win." Natalie says to Kaydee after losing to her. May 21, 2009
Natalie, after spinning around a bunch of times, said, "whoa whoa whoooooaaa I am BUSY!" May 20, 2009
I asked Natalie what she wanted to be when she grew up. "Taller, taller ... up to the sky" was her answer. Feb 15, 2008.
Kaydee handed her empty plate to Greg and he asked her if she got any ham. In response, "You gotta be kidding me-- I LOVE ham!" Feb 8, 2009.
After testing Natalie a while on random colors in the room, I wanted to see what she would say to the color turquoise. She squinted at it and then at me and said, "I can't know this color." Feb. 8, 2009.
"Okie dokie" giggle giggle giggle.... Natalie in response to the 'homework' assignment that I gave her to keep her busy while I helped her sisters' with theirs. January 28, 2009
Helping Nicole with her math homework tonight, we were discussing different kinds of angles. After showing her the difference between an obtuse, acute and right angle, she pointed to one of her math problems, "And is this one a left angle?" January 28, 2009
"I can take it from here mom" Kaydee told me when I was walking her into her school. January 26, 2009
"I want glitter teeth!" Natalie told me after seeing Kaydee's new silver teeth she got from the dentist. Jan. 7, 2009
"Don't grumpy me!" said Natalie after Greg and I got after her for not going to bed. Oct 12, 2008
Natalie was pretending to be a pirate so naturally I screamed at her fierce pirate look. In response Natalie says, "Not AHHH! mom, ARRRRRG". My mistake. Aug 10, 2008.
After getting our kids into bed and getting Nicole a drink of water, Greg asked Kaydee if she needed anything before bed, her response, "a cheese pizza without pepperoni would be nice"-April 26, 2008
"Sooorrrry Mike." Natalie (2) to her grown-up cousin Mike after she spilled a cup of ice water on his lap and then again when she dropped her spoonful of lasagna on his leg.-March 31, 2008
"I've got my eyes on you" Kaydee (4) to Greg as he was changing the channel on the t.v.- December 8 2007
"Stop--you're weirding me out" Kaydee (4) says to me while I am playing the air guitar. - Jan. 4, 2008
"It smells like someone's poopie" Nicole, sitting next to Grandma and her blue cheese covered steak. - Aug. 10, 2006
Nicole (3 but getting ready for her 4th birthday) "What's Toys R Us' number?"
Nicole "Okay great, where's 2448 on the phone?" -July 2004
"Boy Oh Boy!" Natalie waiting for Ratatouille to start. Dec. 30, 2007
Kaydee passed gas one night and said, "Oops--excuse me-- that was my bottom. It was so happy it wanted to sing a lullaby." - December 9, 2007
"My mom can only LAY girls" Kaydee, a couple of weeks after our poison dart frogs laid eggs. -January 25, 2008