A farewell . . . .

It's been a month since my brother's funeral.

I've reflected on the past.

I think about the days ahead.

And I sometimes cry,

a lot.

Man I miss him!

What an amazing man my brother Mark was. Always serving others, making lives wonderful and spoiling my kids with bubble gum and other sweet delights.

Mark had such a zest for life-whether it was taking my kids to the zoo or picking up another niece or nephew for a football game; he loved creating memories and making people feel special. He was always thinking of ways to get others to laugh and enjoy life as well. . . like the great water fight of '09. I don't think any of my family will forget when Mark brought out a whole load of water guns and balloons and handed them out to all of our kids (during a service project at my house, mind you). Oh the look on the kids' faces when they got the grown ups soaking wet... priceless.

That was one of my last memories with Mark.

As I look back, I am so angry with myself that I didn't see his pain. His sadness. How could I just let Mark suffer like he did? I didn't even know, I didn't choose to know the extent of what he was going through. I looked at how happy he made everybody and assumed that things were okay. Stupid assumption.

During the five days that we searched for him and especially the days and weeks since, I've tried to figure out how I could be so selfish, when I had such an amazing example of selfLESSness right in front of me.

Mark Spencer Richards 1983~2009 Born Jan 19, 1983, passed into Heavenly Father's arms on July 24, 2009. Mark Richards was a Son, Brother, Uncle, Friend, Husband, and Daddy. He was well dressed, a champion wrestler, always tried to better himself and others, generous with his time and money, and took care of everyone around him. He will be sorely missed by all who knew him. Married Brianna Nicole Roper August 10, 2002 in Taylorsville, Utah. Survived by Brianna Richards, daughter of Mel and Lori Roper, his wife and love of his life and his son Carter. Parents, Mike and Myrna Richards, brothers and sisters, Eldon (Cami); David; Laura (Aaron); Debra (Greg); Danny (Allie); Boyd (Rachel). Preceded in death by his sister Rachelle.

Mark, I love you so much. You have been such a great example in my life and I'm so proud to call you my brother. I'm so grateful for all the many memories that I have with you and I will hold onto them forever and ever.

I'll never forget the time that an RC Willey's delivery man showed up at my door, after my back surgery, with a new King size bed... although it was supposed to be from an anonymous donor, I got the delivery man to tell me who it was from. Thank you.

And remember that time when everyone was getting together for a Memorial Day celebration and my financial situation was such that I couldn't even afford the gas from Spanish Fork to Salt Lake? Thank you again for watching out for me and sending me some money to make the trip. Again, you tried to be anonymous, but seriously...I know your handwriting better than you think. ;)

Then there was when Greg and I were newlyweds and you came to stay with us a couple of times. It made me smile that you were so excited to see junk food in my pantry. Growing up we rarely had any and if we did it would disappear in a flash. But what do you expect from a big family like ours?

I even look at our childhood with fondness. All of the teasing and torment that we dished out to each other . . . I'm sorry and I hope you know that I love you for those years. I love to think back and laugh at how easily you could get my goat.

Oh Mark, I'm going to miss you so much. Thank you for being such a wonderful part of my life.

I look forward to seeing you again.

I love you.

your sis,

Debra Lea

What's in a name? . . .

It's Lea. My middle name is Lea.

It rhymes with catastrophe

and anchovy.

and banchee.

and whigmaleerie.

I just thought you ought to know. ... . just in case I decide to become really good at something and get all famous and stuff.

you're welcome.

Greg and Debra plus 8 . . .

I've always wanted a big family, I guess its because I came from one? Well I had a chance to practice being a mom of a gigantic family with some nieces and nephews....




Picture it...

my THREE

+ 5 cousins.

A warm Vegas sun.

and a swim pool.

and, oh yeah - 4 t-ball games, volleyball practice, basketball practice, gymnastics, Speech, pre-school, YW/YM, activity days, a youth dance, family pictures, a school carnival etc. etc. for 12 days. And a car that would seat 5, for the latter half of the trip anyway.

Talk about a blast.

Is that the right word for it?

I think so.

I should have been a judge...

I'm a little judgmental.

okay.

maybe I'm A LOT judgemental.

But I don't do it on purpose....most of the time.

Usually I'm just sailing along, doing my own thing and then out of no where ...WHAMo --a thought pops into my head and I'm left thinking, "Gosh Debra Lea, that was a pretty crazy thing to think about that situation/ person/ animal etc. etc. etc."

And then there's the times that I'm purposefully judgmental.
Yep, I actually do that sometimes.
Embarrassing, I know.
Take the other day, for example. I was running around crazily with my mile long to-do list and time was of the essence. After running through Costco like a mad woman, I was hopping into my ultra cool mini van where I noticed that the man parked next to me was lighting up a cigarette....with his two young kids in the back seat. This just happens to be one of my BIGGEST peeves ever. All kind of less than complimentary thoughts were running through my mind about this man and I was judging him with the harshest of my judgments with only knowing this one thing about him. He must be an all around terrible man, right? I continued thinking this until we both were backing up at the same time, me in my rushed sour scowl and him in his careful, watchful, courteous smile. There was an awkward brief moment when both of us were edging our way out and motioning the other to go and in the end he, of course, let me back up out of my stall first. I was so grateful yet so embarrassed for my thoughts.

This experience really got me thinking.

What if all of us wore our struggles out there, for the whole world to see, to judge. And people only saw our mistakes and judged us before they saw the good in us?

Is it the good or the bad, the hardships or the triumphs that really define us? Its all of the above of course. Then why oh why do I do the whole judging thing without having the whole story?!

Just some food for thought.

Kaydee turns six . . .

I love birthdays. No, I mean I really love birthdays and Kaydee's was definitely not an exception. Can she really be 6? It seems like just yesterday I was posting of her fifth birthday celebrations.

-sigh-

Kaydee's favorites of the big day (in her words):

• putting my shoes in the volcano
• getting some WEBKINZ
• eating pancakes and bacon in bed
• walking through the jungle
  
• eating the spotted dinosaur cake
• playing heavy heavy hang over
• getting the didj
• all the friends that came to my dino party
• passing out treats at school
  

We had a great and exhausting day. Lots of fun and friends and a major sugar overload. Most of the sugar came from the cake... that took a little bit longer to make than expected and an angelic next door neighbor that offered to help me because she just "happened to want to cook a bundt cake" out of her own ingredients at 10:00 at night. I don't even know how to begin thanking someone for that kind of sweetness. Seriously love that Michelle neighbor of mine.

All in all, the cake took over six hours to create. If it wasn't for the stinkin' face caving in at the last minute it would have taken a little over four and look a ton better. grrr.
Let's just say that you did not want to be present in the Debra Lea household when I was putting the final touches on the triceratops face. Insane ball of emotional stress wacko-ism might just be a tad bit too nice of adjective to describe my loveliness at that precise moment. Thank goodness that my dear Greg didn't mind *cough* one bit that I was barking orders at him to save my triceratops face. You would have thought I was doing plastic surgery on a celebrity for how panicked I sounded. I finally stopped fussing with the cake when Greg reminded me (again) that the kids would love it regardless, however they probably would not like me still in my pajamas.

As for the birthday party, Kaydee chose the theme : Dinosaurs. and Boy did we have fun with that one. I wish the pictures that were taken could show the energetic atmosphere and excitement of the kids. You gotta love the pictures though since the reason we got any was because I randomly handed the camera to someone and told them to take a picture. I especially love all of the glowing windows in the background... We had such a great time and I think we could sum it up as a great success.



Kaydee, I sure love you. You surprise me everyday with your sweetness and your humor. I absolutely LOVE it when you give me that super cute grin in the morning and ask for your snuggles. You've grown up so much this year, going to Kindergarten and all. You've learned how to read and add numbers, how to play with others and let your imagination entertain. You've created some beautiful art pieces that would impress even the most fussy of the art critics. I hope that you continue to cultivate this amazing personality of yours because I am continually awed by it. Our family wouldn't be the same without you. I love you. Happy Birthday my sweet six year old!

did you miss me?...

Yes. That's right. I was on a blogging hiatus.

And ya wanna know what's even better, I don't even have a great excuse for it either.

Laziness? yes.

pure lack of motivation? you betcha.

Enjoying a little life without so much throbbing in my head? yep.

Not to worry. I'll catch you all up on my ultra fabulous life. Someday.

Maybe even soon.

potato bug . . .

Tater Bugs.

I'm usually not opposed to those roly poly buggeroos. They're harmless, right? It's only when my dear daughter decides to accidentally drop one down my dress during Family Home Evening that the nightmares start--for everybody. Just be glad that you weren't present for the event.

There I was, like a good little mom, innocently sitting there on the couch-- listening to the wonderful lesson that Greg had put together about seeds and faith etc. etc. and Nanners was playing with her new pet, the potato bug. This potato bug was not a nice potato bug, you could see it in his eyes and I could tell before Natalie made her sister's Easter bucket his home that he meant to disrupt our family home evening. Seriously, I just know these things. And sometimes I just make these things up after the fact because its my story and I can do that.

Anyways. Nanners brought the bug over to me for examination and somehow during the process lost the bug...in my dress. Notice I didn't say on, but IN as in INSIDE my dress. This is where it gets interesting. I kind of freaked out, as reverently as I could because it was during family home evening after all-- I jumped up, danced around a lot and even unbuttoned a couple buttons on my dress. I have to admit, I was a little proud of myself because I didn't let the yelping or squealing start until 5 minutes after the ordeal began. I did all of this while my little family just watched in amusement. Especially Greg. At least I was contributing to family night, right?

After more than 10 minutes of searching on myself and in the couch I had to cry defeat. The roly poly monster had won the right to give me the heebie jeebies for the rest of my life, or at least the rest of the day. I swore I could feel him crawling all over me. Ewww.

Over two hours later, I was running around the house doing my usual Sunday frenzy of activity when Greg gave me a love pat on my bottom. Yep. You read that last sentence right. I wouldn't have written it if it wasn't very pertinent to my story, I promise. As Greg patted my bottom he felt an unusual lump on my bum and wouldn't you know it... it was the mr. Potato bug himself. Alive and doing well. The perv.

I have therefore outlawed Mr. roly poly and all of his relatives from entering the Debra Lea homestead. You think that's a little too harsh? YOU try having a potato bug crawling around your skivvies for a couple of hours and then we'll talk.